
I have been obsessed with looks lately. I’m trying to lose weight, and I’m constantly looking at other people and judging myself against them, or weather or not they find me attractive. I know that this is normal in small amounts, but I feel slightly crazy about it. I know ultimately that I will never be happy with what I look like if I keep that up. I’ve always been a bigger girl, and then I lost weight in high school and college, after college I bounced back up again. I’ve always been the funny one and I do have a lot of confidence, just because I think I’m an amazing person. I know a lot of people say that looks don’t matter and it is easy to say. But they do, men and women are just built that way. We seek out the most desirable mate. Would I love to look like Eva Mendes and bone the hell out of that Taylor boy that plays Jacob Black from Twilight? Why yes sign me up! I like muscles, I like tan, I like big. There are a lot of women that do. We like big strong men. Men usually like knock outs that are nicely busty, thin and shapely. We all love good hair, eyes, and a clear face. It’s the truth, it varies for all of us a bit, but if you could choose given people had the same personality, 99 times out of a hundred people would go for the more attractive. I know I would most likely.
Ah, but not everyone has the same personality, that’s why prefer some people to other.
Now go into that same room with McDreamy Pants and Guy Soandso, or Miss Sex Kitten and Chick Whoever. Let’s say you just watched a video about each one of these people and McDreamy is a self centered Jerk, life of the party playboy, who likes to get with the Honeys. Soandso is nice educated, loves his family, hard worker, who is kind of geeky, but loves to dance and is romantic. Miss Kitten is nice enough, she knows she’s hot, she has all the social rights, but that’s about where she ends, she is not goofy, nor independent. Whoever is plain-Jane, but funny, cares about people, and laughs at herself, she is laid back, likes to try new things and is full of life. Now the percents would change a bit, lots of people would go for the dependable, low key people, they would be much more like likely not to be unfaithful and they could be easy to get along with. There are some that would still choose the same for reasons such as, I could change them or I like people like that or it doesn’t matter they are hott.
I know there is a lot more to it than that and that is super simplified, but that is kind of the long and short of it.
So what do we all want? We want the McDreamys and Miss Sex Kitten looks with the awesome unique personalities. Georgia and I have always called these Hybrids. We are the girls that can hang with the guys, be beautiful and bake up some damn good lasagna with chocolate cake while wearing sexy heels and thigh highs. We can be the t-shirt and jeans girl at a football game chugging beer and wiping mustard off of your face. (Hybrids will be explained in full later)
I want to be a better one of those; I want to be an awesome beautiful girl. I know that I am beautiful, but I want to be gorgeous and not only that I want to be a gorgeous as I can be and feel good about it. I want to work hard for the body that I get and think yeah I’m smokin’ but I worked damn hard to be this way, but all the while keep my level head that I’m just a person. So there is my obsession, to be more beautiful. I know many women and men have it. But it feels good to have it out in the open.
And I owe it to myself and my future hubby to stay as beautiful as I can. I think couples should try to do that for each other. I’m not really into surgery, I think that can get really out of whack, although I’d love to get rig of this neck sooner than later, but I think I’ll stay healthy and age gracefully, I’ve earned these smile line and laughing crows feet.
But also I know that it is ultimately right to love yourself and have an inner beauty, because everything is going to go south someday and when all your bit and pieces don’t go the way they are supposed to well at least you can laugh about it. And in love you have to not only be attracted to one another, but also you have to love that person’s heart. They could be seriously burned or lose limbs, get cancer and lose their hair, that isn’t their fault. The person really is who they are on the inside, all of the outer stuff changes and fades away, but the soul of a person is forever.
Ahh I feel a bit more levelheaded now.

ew for awhile, and I wear pretty cute lacy things, but lace gets holes in it, (well lace is pretty much a bunch of pretty holes anyways) but it was about that time to get new ones but I’m too cheap, so I told Georgia that the elastic was really pretty good at the top so I was going to cut out the middle part and replace with a nice old t-shirt. Hey, I thought this sounded like a really thrifty idea that I could keep my pretty lacy part and just have a new bottom. Yeah… probably one of those ideas that should have stayed in my head. Georgia looked at me like, Really?! And vetoed that idea right away. She said I couldn’t be like a creepy grandma that cuts the crotch out of her panties and replaces them. Fine. But if worst came to worst, I would totally be rocki
ng some Washburn University panties or some Harley if I’m feeling wild.
My hand? Well I hurt it slamming the door repeatedly and jumping up and down, while Georgia yelled, Shut the *choice of four letter words* up to make a point. And I’ve hurt my wrist/ puffy part of my thumb. Then they just turned the music up louder and I think started throwing things at cars and yelling at a little crying kid (at 1 in the morning) to go to bed. Why didn’t we call the cops? Well earlier I looked out the window and this guy in glasses just stared up at me totally freaked me out, I’m pretty sure they would have known it was us. So new neighbors I dub thee, The Creepers!
family member does it it’s fine, if I do it I get into an accident. It’s a proven fact. I make strange promises to myself that determine my life, point in fact, JustAnUglyMonkey. I never liked him growing up; he just became this strange pull for me. I used to yell at the TV whenever a movie that was cast by Amanda Mackey, that I will never love him. FAIL, fate had other plans. He asked me out for years and years I used to have tons of notes, now only one. But I would always tell him no. Till I made one decision freshman year of high school, if he was still asking me out senior year of high school I would go on
a date with him. So guess what years later, guess who asks me on a date? And well the rest is somewhat history. I kept my promise and here I am, but I wouldn’t trade my life for the world, I am rich with memories. I’ve made other ones like, if this next dryer sheet comes out all flat I will go buy a new pair of shoes and will only pay $8 for them. It did and I did, and I love them. Strange little things like that. Well one of my superstitions is being kissed on New Years. Years and years I have been kissed and life has gone pretty much good. But this past year has been a dozy and I could use a little luck. So, I will be kissed this New Years. Good things will come my way. So say me! Return of the crazy fearless girl! 2010 will be a year of joy and no more saddness!















