Can You Dream Again?

I didn’t think this would ever be my problem, Waiting on a heartbreak is not a way to live. I don’t act it out, but my mind is waiting on a heartbreak. I never used to be this way, it’s unfair. My walls are high and my thoughts are dark. I keep them to myself, to keep me safe. I’m fighting with myself.
I am afraid, I don’t know what is normal anymore. I just want to do what my heart says, but I don’t want to break. I want to stay in the Sunshine a little longer, oh if that warmth could last forever, that’s where I would stay. I would smile and laugh and be wrapped up safe. Could all this good be real? I’m skeptical, it’s unfair when I used to trust fully. I was given my heart back, I must protect it, I am it’s keeper, it’s only guard.  But the reality of me is there are things that might mean my happiness might have Bought The Farm.

Don’t let it be true. Don’t run from the sun little heart, it’s scary and could all fall apart, I know, but oh what if it didn’t, what if you could share your light? Can you dream again little heart?

Ello’ there, I am a human and I don’t understand your people things....

This is Amanda, smiling is her favorite.

Trying to know which way to go, sometimes I feel like yes, I have a say, but life just sort of happens to me so I enjoy the ride or something. The Bible says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but he decision is the Lords." I'm never quite sure what to do when things happen, I feel like now I'm constantly looking up or behind like is this okay? Is this good and I'll get a weird sign or a feeling or a calm that I just have to be like okay here I go or don't go.

You know the heart is a funny thing? It’s this physical thing in your chest, it pumps your blood, it has no emotions or thought processes, but yet it feels. When I’m hurt it’s my chest that feel heavy like a rock, not my head or any other part of me. It’s odd. We make vests to protect it from weapons, we guard our hearts above all else, it stops we stop.

A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships were made for. I think it’s the same for hearts. You have to use them. Love man.  Love them all.  Love the special ones that make your heart flutter, love the ones that make it want to burst from laughing so hard, and yes love the ones that hurt it. That’s when you find peace, when you let go and love.

See ya laters Loved Ones and tatters!

Don't Eat the Chili Shelly

I don’t know why some things happen to me. I do wacky things I or I’m accident prone. But last night I pulled my Jeep into the garage and my garage light went out. I thought no problem I’ll just stay close to the Jeep and walk around. Did you know that very close to my Jeep in my garage is a large solid metal poll? Well there is! I found it with my face! I saw stars it was crazy! I wandered into my house and sat on the first step and while I waited for the light show to wrap it up I texted The First about my finding of the pole, ouch.  I then dragged myself up the stairs and decided to flop on the couch then flew up off the couch and landed hard on my bottom :( I had flopped right on an angry boy cat that was sleeping under the blanket.... he was not happy and I got yelled at as I sat there on the floor and cried/laughed at myself. I limped to the freezer and smacked a package of frozen berries on my head. 

Sometimes I think things just happen to you when you aren’t looking, you literally get smacked in the face by things. You have to be heading in the right direction. My mom and I have been talking about listening to God. The other day my mom was telling me that she was going to eat this chili in the fridge.... she doesn’t like anything to go to waste and she heard, “Don’t eat the chili Shelly.” and she just knew it was God because he calls us by name. So she didn’t eat the chili and sure enough it had like mold mixed in or something that you couldn’t really see. Gross I know, but that good little farm girl is very thrifty. I’ve been trying to hear God tell me things, to me it’s always been a feeling in my heart, I thought, recently things have happened that make me wonder at my decisions. I always try and do what is good and try to listen, but I swear I miss the mark sometimes or maybe I don’t maybe I’m right where I need to be and this has all happened for a reason. It may not be clear now, but soon it will be like TA-DA!!!!

Space bugs and hugs!