UGH, so I think I’m superwoman sometimes. You already know I work 3 jobs. There is a method for my madness. Maybe not so much a method, but reasons.
- A) I have a home that I love, AND can’t sell for another year or I owe the government $8000. And I don’t want to sell it because it would still make a good home for a family and I think me and this house deserve to see good like that, it’s kind of like I made a promise to it and I have to keep that promise. And in all actuality it’s NOT a bad price to pay for a home at all many people pay for apartments close to what I own my home for. The value just keeps going up so it’s a good investment. House = amazing, love, safe. I love my home.
- B) I could make the payment with my 2 jobs I previously had, but I can’t afford to eat or put gas in Jeep-Jeep, without monthly help from others.
- C) I don’t like owing people that I already owe so much.
- D) I’m 30!!! I should be able to handle myself by myself, all my decisions have gotten me to this point in my life and I believe people pay for their actions in one way or another and this is just the way it is.
- E) I’ve now got doctor’s bill out my wazoo for my allergic reaction stuff, so 3rd job came in with perfect timing.
SOOO long alphabetical reasons short my new 3rd job pays well and I live comfortably and am able to cover everything and still have fun when I do have time, heck soon after doctor’s bills I’ll even be able to save a nice little chunk. That means money in the bank if anything should happen, money for projects on the house, money for gifts, money for the future. I like that idea, that’s why I keep working all the listed reasons and all below. I have to, that’s pretty much plain and simple. And while no one really HAS to do anything, many people do whatever they want. I feel like I should practice what I preach, I want people to work hard and take care of themselves, well I should too. And I do and I can lift my tired head high.
Downside of all of this is my poor head and body, I try to go to bed early when I can, usually that’s no problem my head hits the pillow I’m soooo out. I’m only about a month in so maybe it will just take a little bit longer to get accustomed to it all. I know I can’t do them all forever I just can’t, but finding that balance and timing is going to be something. I like all my jobs and I’m pretty sure they all like me. So the work is not the problem at all, isn’t that crazy?!? How blessed am I? I don’t have any job that I don’t actually like. But it’s my time, making time for this amazing man in my life that there aren’t even words how much I care about and love. He’s simply amazing, in the total sense of the word, something of awe. My family, I love them so much and am so excited to see them this weekend for my cousin’s wedding, but I know I don’t get to see my mom and dad as much as they would like, but I just get so tired. My Georgia I’ve actually made a date with her I got a free pizza we are going to load that baby up with tasty tasty things this week and eat and laugh and watch TV. LOL what am I going so crazy about?! ha ha Poor Mandy has all of her needs met, too many people to love and to love her. I just need to remember that I need to force my brain to not go to the Id, to not go into protective mode, which I’m pretty sure it’s been doing that so much lately, I have extreme ADD going on or nothing at all. You know how people get pregnancy brain or wedding brain? I have I work a lot, but still have a life brain. I work alot brain is a machine, that’s what it does work, but it over compensates, it can turn out “product” at an amazing rate, I’ve gotten so much done, but it also worries too much, it it’s always on but not very clear, it screams give me a goal, give me an end game, a task then it overloads and we have meltdown and want to sleep and then we sleep and wake up refreshed and feeling like an idiot sometimes. Why was I so mean? Why was I so impatient? Why was I so short with that person? Why did I put my keys in the fridge? Do the cats have water? catsss mmmm snuggle, snuggle, just let me kiss you awwwww catssssss.
I keep feeling like I have to do this myself, I don’t need anyone to save me, I don’t need to ask for help unless I really need it. I’m stubborn, I have to do it for myself, by myself just so I know I can. So I can have people in my life because I want them and they want to be around me. I want to be a woman of value because I can stand on my own two feet. I want to prove that I can take care of myself, that I could do whatever it takes to take care of a family. Just finding a balance and I'm still growing as a person, I don't think we ever stop, but I want to be a good one. Maybe I just needed to write it out to see it, to get it off my chest. lol I do that a lot, unload the brain!!
End of Rant/unload
God, you have given me great abilities and talents, you have met all my needs financially and emotionally. I thank you for all the wonderful people in my life, I thank you for seeing me in my darkest hours, I thank you for healing my body and my mind and giving me strength when I am weak. Continue to be with me, I know I don’t go to church a lot, but no place feels like home, and I know one will soon, but you know I always love you always think of you and thank you everyday. I can’t imagine what I would be without you. Please give my mind an extra dose of awareness of knowlege, please guard my thoughts and keep my mouth from saying unuseful things. You are my God and you are in me, you will never leave me or forsake me, I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and not only can I do all things, but I claim I can do all things with a smile, with a kind heart, with love and wisdom.
I love you and I thank you for all these things, In Jesus name Amen.
ahhhh I feel better love bugs! I need to remember to use my words more to write them out, I find a weird comfort and peace in words. Helps me reason out my cluttered mind.
Naps and mud flaps!
Amanda
