Amanda for the Masses: That's life, what all the people say.....

This summer has just flown by!! Well lets see.... I’ve got a garden that the Dude and his brother and sister-in-law helped put in, it put out TONS of summer squash and how it’s putting out lots of yummy tomatoes. I’ve loved growing thing all summer and eating and giving them away. We have bought something very beautiful that is hiding in my house waiting for the perfect time/a talk with my dad. My wonderful guy has moved into the house and his house went up for rent. We’ve cleaned and reorganized the house, the basement looks so neat turned into man-cave/gym. I got rid of tons of things which really helped and I’m excited for the next big project I have my craft/office room that will be fun! The dude made me a bookshelf for my books and got me a neat calendar/cork-board to put up in there. When I’m ready we are going to get peg board to hang other things on :)

So life has been pretty good! I’m hesitant some days to look at my life and say I’m so happy because it seems like the moment I do the world crashes down, but it feels like that might be changing. I think now I can say it. I’m happy, I’m so so happy. I have my amazing friends and family that are always there for me and love me, I have my wonderful home and the most amazing man to share it with. I thank God for all I have, I know that some people might have a problem with the Dude moving in before we are married, which we are going to be, but I think sometimes it’s a condition of your heart a promise you’ve made that other person, it’s us forever. Plus being divorced and almost 31 I really don’t care, I’ve had so much heartache in my life time that all I want to be is happy and I am and it feels so good, and my heart is good. I am safe I can breathe, he is my home.

Let me tell you a few things about this guy. Everyday he is wonderful, it’s like telling each-other that we love each-other never gets old. I am always thankful for him, he is helpful, he takes out the trash, he does dishes, laundry and house stuff and he just does it, it’s funny you know how some girls nag people etc, which I’m not good at anyway, he just does things it’s amazing and I’m so used to doing things forever that it’s nice and I always make sure I thank him. It’s like we take care of each-other. I am always thinking of him and he of me, what can I do to help them today? What would they like? What would make them smile? It’s what I always thought love should be like and when it’s both of you working together like that and naturally, WOW just wow. Not that it’s like that every moment, we have us time etc, but it’s good and so loving. He’s so affectionate and that is big with me, I love being kissed and hugged, I love having my had held or somehow a touch or a caress. This is my guy, I love him, he loves me. And I never feel unloved, I never feel like I’m second. I’m it. I want to grow old with this man, I want to see him hold our babies and someday become a grandpa and hold and spoil those babies, I want to see those smile lines on his face grow deeper and deeper.

I’ve held on to a lot of my past life thinking in some way I would be betraying something, I’m not sure. I’ve held on to lots of hate in my heart for being wronged. I’ve struggled with what is in my heart of being a good person and wanting to be the bigger person and the scar that malice and anger built up. I’ve been slowly but surely letting it go. I still struggle time to time asking myself a lot of whys? Then I remind myself that I am wonderful I am loving, giving, talented, I’ve got a good heart and so many wonderful attributes, that it’s okay. It takes it’s toll on your self-esteem I think, and that’s hard for me since I’ve grown up being the chubby girl or the goofy one, things now that I’ve grown into, in my opinion I’m more beautiful at 30 than I ever was when I was younger. My curves fit me and are womanly, my sense of humour has gotten me though so much in my life and has let me live on the sunny side of the street. I love who I am, I love me, sure I will always think I could lose a few or tighten something ha ha, but that’s just part of being a gal and as long as my Dude loves the way I’m put together and he really does I’m good with it :) It’s taken awhile and I don’t think I’m totally done, but I feel good, I’m okay.

Thank you God, so much for all you have given me, thank you for being by my side and calming my heart, I don’t know if it does matter to you or not if he lives with me, but I know you love him too, I know that you know that we love each-other and will always be faithful to each-other, I believe that we were always meant for each-other and I know that none of this has taken you by surprise. I pray that somehow I mattered that my past made a difference and had a purpose for both of us. I love you, I always have and always will, even when I don’t do everything right, I love you. Please always keep me and my loved ones safe and watch over them.

And Now for some pictures!!